Penance – a Novel by Ben Antao

                                                               a review by    Lino Leitão

PENANCE is Ben Antao’s second novel. In this novel the author excels in the art of story telling. The story moves gracefully in a precise well-written prose until it ends up in a tragedy.

As the plot unfolds gently, the readers have a chance to have a bird’s-eye view, as it were, of various nature scenes that he depicts with minute details--Toronto landscape, like that of Niagara Falls and others. At the same time, the readers can reflect upon the nuances of the doctrines of the Catholic Church, which have the capacity to control the lives of her adherents. Wisely, the author stays away from passing any judgment of his own on the teachings of the Church. The individual reader is left to make up his/her mind on such theological issues, if they want to.

The plot of this novel as it evolves explores the relationships of the two couples that are brought up in conventional Catholic traditions. Both the couples draw their spiritual sustenance from the teachings of the Mother Catholic Church.

James Kennedy and Alice marry after falling hopelessly in love; and they firmly believe that their Catholic faith is their towering strength that cements their love and marriage. Out of this wedlock, they have a son, Sean, the pride of their joy and faith. They both are very devout Catholics--a very dedicated family.

The other couple in this novel is Karen McNulty and Donna Thistle. They too are deeply in love and consider themselves very much married. They explore each other sexually and their relationship is very much akin to the married kind; but they hide it from the public eye and the Church, knowing very well the societal taboos on the same-sex relationships. Karen and Donna, who were raised up spiritually as Catholics by their respective parents, also draw their spiritual sustenance from the teachings of the Church.

Both these couples attend church services at a newly built church in Willowdale in the North York district of Toronto. After Mass, that Sunday in November – the feast of All Saints --these two couples happened to meet by chance in the Church hall over a cup of coffee. As James was surveying the scene when his wife had left to bring him a cup of coffee, his eyes fall on Karen – a brunette with a charming, oval face. He is drawn to her like a moth to a flame. Karen too had felt the strong pull of attraction towards James who was dressed in his tailored brown woolen suit and silk tie. At that very instant when they were drawn to each other, the seed of tragedy was sown into their destiny.

James is a teacher in a secondary school, and Karen teaches in the elementary panel. Fate brings them together; but this time, without the presence of their respective partners or spouses. This chance encounter happens when they attend the Annual General Meeting (AGM) of the teachers’ union. As Karen was glancing through this gathering, ‘a bolt of electricity’ passes through her body, seeing James entering the room. Later, twice the same weekend, they consummate their illicit passion that was itching their libido in Karen’s room at the Regal Constellation Hotel on Dixon Road, where Karen had checked in to attend the AGM.

Karen, who had never had sexual intercourse with a man before, ‘felt fulfilled in a way she had never been fulfilled with Donna’. But their love also being beyond physical, Karen felt that she had betrayed Donna; a feeling of guilt traumatizes her being. James, who had never slept with any other woman besides his wife, Alice, is conscience-stricken; he has committed adultery. How is he going to face Alice? Strong emotional tsunamis assault their moral virtues nurtured by their faith. They are torn between their physical passion of their lust and their binding commitment to their spouses.

Finally, when Alice discovers that James had cheated on her with Karen, she is so hurt that she escapes with her son, Sean, to her parents. Alice, who prayed rosary with her parents as a child – the family that prays together stays together – and who had knowledge of the meditations of Thomas a Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, reflects upon her marriage. As she reflects, it comes to her mind the passage that the priest had read at her nuptials. It was a passage from Corinthians by Paul the Apostle. It read: ‘Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude …Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always faithful, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love will last forever’.

And Alice, whose soul is well nurtured by her faith, wants her marriage to last because she had married James for love. Through ‘marriage encounter’ – counselling, they renew their marriage vows; and as they do, their blissful emotions gush out as they did ten years ago when they had married for the first time. Once again, they are connected to each other in body, spirit and mind. Or are they?

Donna Thistle, the same-sex partner of Karen McNulty, is a much more stronger character than those three in this novel. She is the daughter of a miner, who was a staunch unionist; and her mother was a teacher. Her parents had brought her up to be independent and self-confident. She doesn’t carry emotional baggage like Karen or the rest; she is level headed and practical. Karen draws on Donna’s strength, and Donna draws on Karen’s emotions, they complement each other. In this respect, their union is perfect, on a solid ground. Though Donna was hurt when Karen had that episode with James, she forgives her. And when Donna learns that Karen is pregnant by James, she is excited because she always wanted to raise a child, but was not allowed to. As a couple, they make up their mind to bring up the child themselves without any fatherly input from James. But Karen, though, informs James that she is carrying his child, just to hurt him.

In James’ household a blissful peace reigns once again. In that summer, James rents a cottage at Kawartha Lakes region in Ontario to have a quality time with his family; and then he rents a motorboat to go for fishing for a few days with his son, Sean, so that father and son could further strengthen their already existing bond. But, on the last day of the fishing trip when James was having the best time of his life with his son, the tragedy strikes. Sean, his son, drowns accidentally.

The mores of the Church that James was brought up with flagellates his conscience; he descends into the depths of Hell. Was this the penance that he had to go through for the sin of adultery that he had committed? Didn’t he make amends for his sinful ways and ask his God for forgiveness?

His wife, Alice, laden with grief, shuns James and recoils from his touch. Her faith in the God that she had grown up believing in dissipates in the thin air. Once, she had displayed an ardent ardor to heal her marriage that was in trouble. When James begs her that they should go for grief counselling, she just ignores him.

Something unleashes deep within Alice’s soul. Did she, perhaps, succumb to the belief that God penalized them for the sin of her husband?

James tries to convince her that they need each other very badly at this crucial time of their lives. But his pleas fall on deaf ears. No second chance, she retorts; and she walks out on him for good.


The novel, Penance, is dedicated to: For those who take the road not taken, opens a dialogue at various levels between the Catholic Church and her adherents.

One wonders why Divine Justice doesn’t penalize Donna and Karen. They too have transgressed in the eyes of their Church. But they come out unscathed through this ordeal. Instead, as a same-sex couple, they are rewarded with a perfect family, which Donna always aspired for. They have a girl named Clara NcNutly-Thistle, though the biological father of that girl is James Kennedy.

A reviewer like me might wonder why God didn’t put Donna and NcNutly, through His grinding mill of penance. My opinion is that Donna who was raised to be independent has her head on her shoulders. She is a theist who envisioned God as an architect of reason, source of love and forgiveness. She is strong enough not to fall for the outside influences of narrow-mindedness to ruin the bliss of her family life.

Penance – a Novel by Ben Antao
Published by Goan Observer Private Limited, 2006
Panjim-Goa, India, pp 333
Rs 200, $25
available from the author : ben.antao@rogers.com

Lino Leitão – Canadian writer of Goan origin. 

submitted by the author to The Goan Forum on September 30, 2006

To the Lino Leitão home page

Back to TGF Front Page